On August 8, 2009, I took my 12 year old gray tabby cat to the vet. She was getting very sick and I was getting worried. She stopped eating, and she was throwing up all the time. My mother has lost a few cats to feline leukemia, and she had mentioned in passing that Ally had the signs. I always ignored her, telling myself that she was just getting old. She had lost a lot of weight and she was practically all bones. We took her in at 11:30 a.m. and the vet saw us almost immediately. I was nervous for her, and she was getting really upset; moving more in the few minutes we were there than in the last 3 months. We took her into the small room and removed her from the carrier. She could barely stand up and it hurt to watch her. The vet's assistant weighed her. She was only 3 1/4 pounds. At her age she was supposed to be around five or six pounds at least.
After we explained what was going on with her, the vet's assistant left and the vet came in. I went to school with her son, so the atmosphere wasn't as harsh as it could have been. She checked Ally out and felt her stomach. It was hard and stiff. A tumor. My heart sank. I had a feeling it was going to be something like that. I didn't tell anybody that I had cried myself to sleep the night before, praying that she just had a stomach flu.
The vet was honest with me and told me that Ally wasn't necessarily in pain, but she would feel hungry, thirsty, and nauseous for the rest of her life. The tumor was just eating all her nutrition and everything it didn't consume she would just throw up. She told me that I could either euthanize her that day, or wait until it would be required. I started fighting back tears. I didn't want to cry. I have a huge ego and it would be bruised. After a few seconds that felt like hours I told the vet that I would be okay with doing it today. That was obviously a lie. I wasn't ready, but I felt so selfish for letting her be in pain. I kept telling myself that it wasn't my fault, that nature has taken it's course. That she was just a cat. But she wasn't just a cat, she was my best friend. I kissed her on the top of her head like I used to do every night before I went to bed. The vet told me to give her more kisses and hugs and she would be back when we were done. I turned to see my fiance crying. I lost it. The tears came so fast and I just hugged her. I picked Ally up and held her for a minute. She never let me do that; she must have been so scared.
I set her down and the vet came in and took her away. I said my final goodbye and walked out the door. I didn't stop to talk to the secretaries. I didn't stop to talk to my dad. I just walked right out the door to my truck and started bawling. It hurt so bad. Kerri sat with me and shared my tears. A few minutes later my dad came out with Ally. I didn't want to see the box, but I placed it in the back seat and let my dad drive home.
When we got to the house I buried her myself. That was probably one of the hardest things I've ever done. I couldn't stand to be there anymore and Kerri and I went to her apartment. I spent a lot of time alone and just surfed the web. I cried pretty much all day and felt like crap. I remembered all the times we shared together. I got her when I was either seven or eight years old and she had always been my best friend. If I smacked my lips together and make a kissing sound twice, she'd shove her head into my lips to make me kiss her. But only if I did it twice. Once didn't count and three times was too many. She had the softest purr of any cat I've ever known. You had to be right up against her to hear it. And it was hard to make her happy, but once you did, you'd know it. I was the only one in my house that she actually loved and paid attention to. She hated everyone else. And she had a tendency to squeak like a toy, but in a really unique way when she was really excited.
There's so many stories I could tell of her, but I'll just ramble for hours if I do. She will be dearly missed and I will always remember her. I wish I had gotten more pictures of her. I have 4 on my computer. I got a few when she was getting sick, but she doesn't look very flattering in those. It's been a whole day and I haven't quite recovered yet.
Here's a picture of her so that her memory will live on forever. It's probably the best picture I have of her. The rest make her look really old and frail. This picture was taken about a year ago:
